remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
