Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
