I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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