First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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