i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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