he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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