dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
