Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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