See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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