DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
