"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
