I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
