Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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