Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
