he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
