Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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