You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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