Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
