This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
