I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize