it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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