I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
