So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
