I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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