I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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