And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
