How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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