I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize