I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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