I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pooping to opera.
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