that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
