dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
