While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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