Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
