im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
