Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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