There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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