last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
