I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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