i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
