just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
