I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
