This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
