i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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