I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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