i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
