watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
