She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
