is your mom at the bar?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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