I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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