Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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