Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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