Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
