she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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