Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
