you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
this boner is exhausting
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
