we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
