I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
