...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
