Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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