She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
