I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
