I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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