there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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