As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
