my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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