Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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