i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
