Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize